its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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