Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
