How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
