in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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