I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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