Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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