We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
