I CAN MOONWALK!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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