I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
