I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
