it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
