Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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