I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
