Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
