My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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