like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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