I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
