the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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