I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
