Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
All I want is dick and wine.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
