You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
