Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
