im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize