Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
this hospital has no fireball
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
