If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
