i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
