why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
