just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
