Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My nipple is on Facebook.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
