why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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