went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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