i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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