Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
