Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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