Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize