I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
