I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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