2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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