There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
