this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize