i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Say something about gay babies.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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