so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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