My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
