he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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