i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize