I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
