i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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