My Higher Power is John Stamos
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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