Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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