I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
