took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
