i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
