the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
