Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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