Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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