from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
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He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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