I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just made out with a guy for $7.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
