Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Do vagina's smell?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
