so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
